Well it’s my turn for a top ten Turn on’s and Turn offs.
I’ve seen a few of these lists and slightly confused about how to approach this. I’ve gone the traditional route and list the things that get me fired up and in the mood and the things that will turn me off either in the short or long term.
Top 10 Turn Ons.
1. Jazz music playing softly in the background.
2. Entertaining fingers.
3. Nothing less than a C cup.
4. Next to nothing on.
5. Intelligent.
6. Finds me mildly amusing.
7. Excellent technique.
8. Running her finger nails up down my back.
9. Makes me smile.
10. A hint of Vera Wang all over her body.
11. Yearning for a life more extraordinary.
(oops one too many)
Top 10 Turn Offs.
1. Annoying loud voice.
2. Overabundance of hair (except on her head).
3. Fake nails, ie too long.
4. Smoking. If I'm in the mood, the smell of tabacco is the quickest way to turn me off.
5. A Liar.
6. Tattoos. I used to think I could handle them but I'm right off them.
7. Illicit Drug user or abuser.
8. Child intolerant. I've got kids, you have to be tolerant.
9. Racist attitudes.
10. A closed mind.
Next........
Ok, I’m going to have a tag team, no holds barred wrestling match to decide who I will tag next.
In one corner, from part unknown, weight unknown, Roguemaze and Cotton , in the other from Melbourne, weighing 100kgs (wringing wet) Aleks and Elaine.
The winners will be tagged.
Roguemaze and Aleks square off first as the bell rings, and after a 20 minute dissertation from Aleks about how the Government and the puppet ALP opposition is screwing the country and how he knows how to fix it and proceeds to explain how. Roguemaze rolls his eyes back and collapses, Aleks tags Elaine, she climbs to the top rope and splashes RM through the canvas, 1, 2, 3. The ref lifts Elaine and Aleks’ hands and declares them the winners. Cotton, storms out, leaving his partner dazed and confused, pissed at not even getting his white trunks and matching wrestling loafers into the action.
22 comments:
berry good mr capey
i could see rm's eyes rolling into the back of his head.
oh and is the aforementioned technique to do with skateboarding or tennis?
beans. spill. please.
Well, I'm a very shy man, but lets just say there is more to sex life than missionary.
Screaming Eagle for example.
i still don't know what it means
do you?
http://www.encyclopedia-of-sex.com/displayarticle1298.html
Have a look and be disgusted, or horny, depending on your bent.
you are the man with a huge dic[tionary] obsession
Now you can walk into la Nadines site with your head held high, armed with my massive dic [tionary] and find her 4 guys for an Eagling.
ohmygod.iliterallysatthereopen-mouthedscrollingthroughtheAsand theBs.ineedtogotobed.Boilthe kettle.Lookidon't knowwhat'scomeovermeiamusingcapitalsit'sthethoughtoftheangrymermaidsurelyitcan'tbeforreal?
You've used capitals and lost your ability to press the space bar.
oops, should I say bar?
There seems to be a lot of work to prepare for an Angry Mermaid. Probably more effort than is required, I can't imagine hoe you could get worked up enough to come under water.
Thanks cape man, though I'm not from Melbourne, though I do like travelling to Melbourne for work. It is the home of the ACTU after all.
However my f'ing computer is playing up, so I will have to fo to another computer, which will make it obvious I am not working, so it will take time.
Poetic Licence Aleks, Take your time with the list, no hurry, just make it interesting.
cape man. This has to be the best tag ever.
*get suspicious*
have you been stalking me???
How do you know I love the wrestling?
nononononono
elaine, you said MINE was the best tag. he copied me. and he is a STALKER
[pouts]
[sniffs]
meet you behind the shelter shed capey. i thought you was my friend
What's all the commotion 'bout. It was m!key that thought your tag was the best ever, but he hasn't see mine. I'll have to invite him over.
Lainey, I've always been a fan of wrestling, going back to the days of Jack Little and Ted Whitten calling the action from Festival Hall. The Hulk Hogan era of the mid 80's was also a "highlight" and recently, since I installed Foxtel, it became a staple. Although, my interest has wained as the story lines get more ridiculous.
MG, OK we'll meet behind the shelter sheds, what are you gonna do?
*heads to shelter sheds*
I have finally done my top tens, using three different computers.
cape man. I have touched Melbourne wrestler the ox's boots. He said they were made of foetal ox. How gross is that (whether it is true or not).
melby, Your superb method of tagging has inspired and incited envy in a whole generation of future taggers.
Michelle sent me.
I don't remember it that way.
Cape Man, I have no words. No words at all. :0P You have done the impossible - rendered me speechless.
[melbournegirl finally arrives behind the shelter sheds, only to find capeman weak and exhausted after waiting three days. his play lunch is long gone, and his cape is dejected and lacking lustre. mg unscrews her drink bottle and lifts it to cape's mouth. a trickle of water escapes as he gulps from the bottle, and his eyes flutter open.]
MG: capey, sorry i took so long. i've dobbed you in for copying but i'm sorry i made such a big deal about it. can you forgive me?
[capeman shields his eyes from the harsh daylight, the cape provides adequate shade. He gulps and slowly the energy returns to his weary body. Eyes now adjusted to the brightness, capeman looks around to see that MelbourneGirl has a tear forming in the corner of her eye, Forgive me she cries. He scoops MG up and with an up, up and away, he flies up through the blue yonder, his cape flaying behind, arms full of MG and heads for the nearest make out spot. Capeman gently decends, lays MG on the green cliff top, sweeps back her hair, puts on a little jazz music and begins to romance her]
You're forgiven MG.
Sweet cape! Is it dry-clean only?
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